It's Christmas time. On one hand, we are so busy that it takes our minds off of things. But, every minute I get to settle down, I think about going through another Christmas, watching everyone with their kids, while we STILL don't have one. All I want is to wake up Christmas morning and see my child's eyes light up. I want to tell them about Santa Clause, decorate the tree with them, and buy them the gifts on their silly little Christmas lists! I am not really even that into Christmas this year. We don't have the tree up, and it doesn't really bother me. I'm not saying I hate Christmas now, but I'm just not as much in the spirit as I used to be. There are so many things that I won't take for granted when I finally do have that child. Christmas is one of those things.
It's incredible...the things that used to seem so huge, seem microscopic compared to this. I see things in a different light, and sometimes when I hear people complaining about the little things, I just want to shake them and say "That's what you are worried about? That's why you are mad?" I understand that everyone has their own problems and I don't want to make it seem like mine are more important, but some situations can be avoided. 99% of the things that bother me now, come down to infertility. It's life consuming and it's unavoidable. It's who I am now, and I'm not ashamed...just confused. Maybe I'll be a better person in the long run, than I would have been had I not been faced with these obstacles. I guess only time will tell. And, I must add, I have never hated time so much in my life! Time taunts me every day. Monday...No baby. Tuesday...No baby. Wednesday...No baby. Thursday...No baby. Friday...No baby. Saturday...No baby. Sunday...No baby. AND REPEAT!
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